As a white male born in the United States and belonging to a nuclear family, I feel a lot of guilt for having any kind of emotional issues or hang-ups. Suffering is relative, or so I'm told, but many people have it much worse off than I. What does knowing that I am relatively better off than many get me, or anyone?
Not much.
We all have things that have impacted us. There is always a dose of qualifying pain or disadvantage that is in order. In some regards, comparing ourselves to others is healthy. It puts our goals and our foundations on some kind of footing-- to be able to judge them.
No one can tell you what is important. No one can qualify what gets to have an impact on us. Only we can do that. Only we have the right to do that. And, what consumes one person may be nothing to someone else. What is important to some people, might not be for me or you.
A quick confession. Money is of no importance to me, which puts me at odds with society, my family and most other 'normal' people. I don't put much value in things either. I sincerely have no desire nor compulsion to own a giant flat-screen, a fancy car, a big house. I like not having to want for material things. Having emergency money and being able to pay the bill, but there are-- to me-- many things more important than money, or stuff.
It is kind of what I mean. We shouldn't judge what is important by what others find important. It is all relative.
Values. Judgement. Pain.
So, why do any of us allow the opinions of others to affect us? Why do we honestly care what others think, of what we do or how we think? We are social creatures and values give us all a sense of belonging. We experience life not just through ourselves but also by those around us. Sure.
But in a large way, we often let other people's values to impose themselves upon our own. While natural, it is silly. It doesn't lead to more happiness, at least not in my experience. The only thing to do is be cognizant of it and occasionally reevaluate what you think you know.
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